Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Fear Contest

Bruce Schneier has posted his third annual movie-plot threat contest. The rules: 150 words (basically an extended log line) and this:
For this contest, the goal is to create fear. Not just any fear, but a fear that you can alleviate through the sale of your new product idea. There are lots of risks out there, some of them serious, some of them so unlikely that we shouldn't worry about them, and some of them completely made up. And there are lots of products out there that provide security against those risks.

Your job is to invent one. First, find a risk or create one. It can be a terrorism risk, a criminal risk, a natural-disaster risk, a common household risk -- whatever. The weirder the better. Then, create a product that everyone simply has to buy to protect him- or herself from that risk. And finally, write a catalog ad for that product.

OK, I love this kind of stuff so here is my attempt, but before I post it to his blog I'd like some feed back from anyone out there so tell me what you think of the following ad:
Are you worried about turning into a human-plant mutant because of all the genetic modifications being made to our wholesome crops these days?

You need the Clean-A-Gene!

Increasingly common, especially in the United States, genetically modified foods are being grown for their "added nutrients", "extra strength", and durability for packaging. All these genetic modifications however are mixing in with the human gene pool. It isn't noticeable at first but after several generations of plant DNA recombination with humans some of our babies will have broccoli for arms and corn cobs for feet! The Clean-A-Gene is a patented food purifier that removes all DNA from genetically modified plants*. How can you or your family live without a Clean-A-Gene purifier?! It's the responsible thing to buy.

*This product is not approved by the FDA, and has not been shown to work in any laboratory settings.

8 comments:

Stribblez n bitz said...

Nice. I think you should include a reference to the Jolly Green Giant though -- that seems like the ultimate conclusion. Of course, that may not be a bad thing . . . Maybe the Veggie Tales creatures are a more frightening prospect.

Andrew said...

Oh, I wish I had thought of that myself. Though I can only use 150 words, what can I cut out?

Seth said...

I like it, I wouldn't change a thing.

John Barleycorn said...

Nice, but you sound like a flaming hippie liberal commie pinko fag.

Looooovvveee youuuuu!

Andrew said...

nah, the hippie commie pinko fags are all against genetically modified crops. I'm all for 'em.

marisa said...

At exactly 150 words, i think this version would be more likely to spread panic...


DID YOU KNOW the genetic modifications being made to our wholesome crops can alter our DNA and turn us into human-plant mutants? Don’t let this happen to YOU or your LOVED ONES.

You need the Clean-A-Gene!

Increasingly common in the United States, genetically modified foods are being grown for their "added nutrients", "extra strength", and durability for packaging. HOWEVER, all these genetic mutations are mixing in with the human gene pool. Though not CURRENTLY visible to the naked eye, top scientists are suggesting future generations will be born with broccoli for arms and corncobs for feet!

Luckily, there is Clean-A-Gene, a patented food purifier that removes all DNA from genetically modified plants*. How can you and your family live WITHOUT a Clean-A-Gene purifier?! It is the responsible, AMERICAN product to buy.

*This product is not approved by the FDA, and has not been shown to work in any laboratory settings.

Andrew said...

Ohhh, nice, Marisa! Unfortunately I jumped the gun and sent off my version. Damn it! I should have waited because yours is better.

marisa said...

though personally, i'd go in an entirely different direction and target a niche market.


"Honey, I'm pregnant."
(attach picture of wire coat hanger)

simple yet elegant...it sells itself, really.